My eyes filled up with tears again and again today on the way to the nursery on this cold and frosty morning. I was supposed to drop her off and leave her on her own in the nursery for an hour. It's her first week in the nursery. We started a settling process where we would settle her down slowly in the nursery building up hour by hour. We started yesterday but I stayed with her yesterday. Today I dropped her off and I feel terrible. It's just for an hour though. I am not sure how I will mange when I have to stay away from her the entire day. As I dropped her off and walked away I felt as if my hands were empty and I felt very strange as if a part of me which i was carrying with me all this time was missing. Do I have to do this? Is it necessary for me to go back to work ? This is the question I have been asking myself again and again in the last couple of months. The only thing that consoles me is that I am not going back full time and I will still have lots of time to spend with her. I feel that she will also enjoy there at the nursery playing with other kids. It will also make her more outgoing and she will able to connect with children her age and with others too quickly. I only hope this helps her in building up an outgoing personality. I will know how she was when I go and pick her up . Am sitting in a cafe near by now and sipping some coffee and thinking about all the lovely things she does.
As my mom is a housewife I always had the luxury of coming home from school and finding my mum waiting for me with some delicious snack or food and a cup of milk. I always enjoyed this hour of the day as I got time to sit with her and tell her about what happened in school and have a chat with her. I did this until I was in my engineering college. It's just that a cup milk had now turned to a cup of tea :). We sat on the swing that we still have in our balcony and chit chatted over some tea and snacks. I always wish I have such time to spend with Riya! Hope it will happen some day.
When I went to pick her up after an hour the scene was something which I had not expected. I was expecting that she will be playing around with something but she was cuddled up with one of the care takers in the nursery and was almost dosing off. She looked like she was a bit tired with crying. Her eyes were wet too. I guess this is what is going to happen for a few days or few weeks. It's not as easy as its said to be. The girls there said she was alright in the beginning but had slowly started getting cranky and had started crying. She cried on her way back to home as well and her mood wasn't great the whole day. We re going to try this again tomorrow and I hope it only gets better!
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